Capacity is relative

Last weekend my in-laws offered to take my oldest for a sleepover. As I packed her pajamas and toothbrush into her comically tiny Disney Princess luggage, my brain immediately went: Finally! I can get those office lights installed!

Those lights had been sitting by my desk for a month. One set was still in the box. But with only two kids instead of three? Totally doable.

Then it hit me.

I felt this exact same way when I only had one kid and she was gone for a night. Back then, I thought having zero kids for an evening meant I could finally get things done. (That's when I built our catio!) Yet here I was, thrilled about the productivity possibilities of "only" two kids.

People tell me all the time: "I don't know how you do it. Three kids under five, working full time, the podcast, the blog, conference talks, side projects..." And I get it. From the outside, it looks impossible. Sometimes from the inside it feels impossible too.

But here's what I've realized: capacity is relative.

When I was pregnant with the twins, the thought of getting all three kids from my car to daycare by myself seemed absolutely herculean. You mean one chaotic three-year-old AND two infants who couldn't walk, plus all their stuff like toys, blankets, water bottles, coats? Impossible.

Except it took a few months of doing it every single morning before I realized: this is just reality now. And it's fine. Well, "fine" in the way that getting three kids anywhere is fine. They're alive, sometimes sobbing or kicking, but they are safely transferred in the door. I'll take that win.

The stress from mentally preparing for the task was so much worse than actually doing it.

If I had a fourth kid, I bet I'd feel just as relieved when I only had three to wrangle as I do now with two. The bar moves, you meet it, then it moves again. And that knowledge is actually a superpower.

Right now I keep thinking about this thing I want to finish and it feels IMPOSSIBLE to get done. But I know the truth: it isn't impossible. The difficulty will feel enormous right up until it becomes routine, and then something else will feel enormous instead.

You have so much more capacity than you think you do. That thing you're denying yourself because you think you can't handle it? You could. You would adjust, the bar would move, and you would meet it. So stop telling yourself no before you've even tried.